anyone want to give hepcat a helping hand?

[Hepcat]

Hey I will step right up and add as many hands and feet that you need if it was written in Fortran...Yeah I am too old, in the computer age, like dog age or cat age, I am a Methuselah..

Fortran?  You're positively a newbie!  I sat at a punch-card station and carried those puppies around in a shoebox!  I was one conversant in Fortran and COBOL, CP/M and dBase II. 

Now I'm having a h*ll of a time mastering OS-X, and MyBB forum software, but I'm giving it a good shot.